I feel for you.

I know what it's like to feel betrayed and alone within a marriage with the responsibility that comes with raising a child, children.

I acted impulsively out of anger as well. Then the rage would become guilt and turn inwardly, but beating myself up had no impact on the rage or the fact that my daily struggles were not acknowledged. My ex had other means of 'running away' from what was going on but it amounts to the same thing...the feeling of betrayal and yes, some jealousy that he was able to break away and I couldn't. Or rather wouldn't because I knew what my responsibilities were.

Looking back, I can understand some of what my ex was going through, but ignoring my feelings only perpetuated and amplified the anger.

I don't know that I have anything to offer on how to work on things with your husband, but I do understand your feelings and your actions. Please don't beat yourself up.

I think your anger is justified along with the frustration of trying to communicate your feelings and not being heard.