Hey mara,

I hear you. It's misfortunate that our BPD become worse when exposed to others, but a group therapy type setting seems to help? WTF indeed.

I get this: "I'm not begging for replies...but I am...but I'm not." It's as if, I want people to care, but then...I don't want them to because I'm not worth it. I'm also a bother, and they have lives and things of their own to care about, but...they should care...I wish they would, but once they do I don't want them to?

BPD is so perplexing.

Do what you need to do mara. We're here for you and understand. (I understand completely).

I also understand about 'wanting' to feel bad. I don't want to feel bad, but then again it's all I really know...'happiness' seems so foreign...

I don't have much in the way of suggestions, other than to try and distract from said people (this is very hard because I'm the type of person to focus on the people who aren't giving me what I want/need than the ones who are-- no matter how many).
I think a blog is a great idea.
Much love.