Hello NeverRight,

Welcome to Psych Central.

I can think of a few possibilities of your hub's behavior.

Has his behavior been consistent over the past 3 years together, or have there been good & long times in between? Does he ever pick up on how you're feeling and try hard to "win you back" to his side? Does he ever use sweet talk or threats with you?

Sorry about the wide range of Q's, it's just a very wide topic. I'm trying to gain a more complete perspective from your view. I don't want to give you bad advice.

Perhaps you should consider what you can do to make things a little more comfortable for yourself. The next time that you two get into an argument ~ let it go. Take a deep breath. Is it really that important to you? Maybe that particular issue is really important, and it's worth discussion in your opinion. Watch your words carefully. Try to keep them non-accusatory and focused on yourself.

Example: "I feel very ____. I have a lot of personal experience on this topic. My feelings are therefore rather strong and different than yours." You can then ask if he would please drop that particular subject or ask if he can help you work through your emotions on the topic.

In general, going through this can seem like a pia, at times. It really is a lot more simple and relaxing than it sounds. I've used this technique a few times in high stress moments & it really works great! The tension disappears within a moment or two ~ for me & the person that I'm arguing with. Trying that technique a time or two, you'll be amazed at the outcome.

I hope that this helps you regain some strength and reassurance that things will get better between you and your hub. It takes time and work (on both sides!) to keep your relationship healthy throughout marriage. Lots of things pop up in our lives, causing stress, physical illnesses, depression, etc... Keep on trying to make yourself less stressed ~ hopefully, you will be able to discuss some of these things with your hub & have good results.

Best wishes to you and your hub!