Someone I used to be good friends with but I am not as close with anymore attempted suicide a bit back and spent time in the hospital. In some twisted way, I'm jealous... her attempt triggers suicidal thoughts for me. I've spent years thinking about it, and had plans, with dates and letters written multiple times within the past year, but I never acted because I realize the likelihood of a failed attempt and I'm afraid that the consequences of a failed attempt would be too unbearable for me. Each plan I thought I had was faulty, and probably would have only resulted in regrettable injury, but certainly not death. I'm 17 and live with my parents, and only once did they even threaten to make me go to the hospital.

My thoughts have decreased a lot since last spring. I used to think about it so much that I couldn't perform well in school, but I'd been only thinking about it when I get upset (Which is often, but a lot less frequent than almost all day). Until I find out about this person's situation, and now I feel like I'm thinking about it more. This morning I felt very hopeless and I thought I'd for sure do something, but my day turned around. Got a text from a good friend from across the country and realized she would actually be heartbroken if I did something like that. I really doubt I'll make any sort of attempt soon, but I'm wondering if it's normal for someone to feel kind of triggered with a person like this in their lives. This old friend that made the attempt is someone I really like, and we never had a dispute that made us grow apart. We just stopped having classes together and neither of us is very social. We have a lot in common and I wish we were better friends. I guess I'm also jealous that people know and understand her problems, but I feel like my family has ignored mine and left me to slowly feel worse. I have a T, but I'm not very good at therapy. I will for sure make slow progress with my T.