year later from beginning of this thread. what has changed? not much with regards to the usual. much with regards to all else.

not easy to keep up with the pace of therapy when life is happening all around. nothing gets put on hold. it gets dropped or forgotten about or passed by and then rediscovered ages later. oh! that! that's where that went. that's what happened to that. oooohh. as if that begins to make any sense....

always good to reflect and see that this thread was responded to by the same folks that have been around for a while. continuity helps. helps us anyway......

therapy has been on break due to schedules, reality of geography, and other factors not needing mention. pdoc filled in a bit but that proved to challenging to do twice in one month. nice person. just not exactly the best place to get into things. not that getting into anything is necessarily controlable. not going certainly makes sure nothing is gotten into!

talking with friend we told more than we had ever before. nearly collapsed from fright AND relief. hard to say which won out.......fright? relief? combo? felt ill and out of sorts for days after. definitely done wrong. definitely screwed up. @#@&*^#!!ed up big time! and then after several days, more conversations this sense of having done wrong, having #%&!*$%ed up started to dissipate....how odd! to start to understand that talking and telling aren't the horrible end that our mind has created.

the world doesn't open and swallow us whole. the world doesn't end. people don't stop, point and laugh. well maybe there are some but we prefer to keep our focus on the healing and not on the peanut gallery of life. spent enough time with clowns years ago in youth.

upcoming choices whether or not to show work again in this year's show. if so whether or not to enter *my* work or like last year work that belongs to another who doesn't share *my* name........decisions. perhaps we'll both get pieces in? never know. strange to be looking forward to a stressful process but probably positive to be wanting to show our work publicly. the more people who don't shy away from the topic of csa and are willing to look at what comes from those strongly in the midst of the healing process the more hope there is for society to stop turning a blind eye to the issue(s).

ending up out here in boondock land was a blessing in many ways. the remote location prohibits luxury items.........but those are easily replaced by the oaks and redwoods, the creeks, the bobcats, owls, bats, horses, chickens, pheasants, quail, etc. still wondering how pooch hasn't met up with a skunk. one of the ranch pups recently challenged a skunk. she lost. guess everyone within smelling distance of her lost!

trying to find positives about where we're at. trying to be okay with what is. be what you are says a small sticker on the fridge. ok. being. this is us being. fail 'til you succeed says another. well lots of failure here so the success should be soon, right?

music has reentered life. sometime of *my* liking.........often not but *I'm* more open to allowing what is to be. friend who we told laughed afterward as they perused our music on the computer............."aha! now it makes sense that you have _____ and ______ in your collection!" yep.....we would not download, purchase, or otherwise acquire certain things but there they are. oh well. diversity is good!

focus back on today.......gotta get out of this paradise lost and back to civilization. run errands. pay bills. see people. do stuff. hard to do when a funk is overwhelming all other feelings. the funk has lifted somewhat and the need to get things done is imperative enough to light a fire under our tuchus. first therapy in over a month. ugh. ugh ugh ugh.

besides who wouldn't want to spend the better part of two hours at the laundromat? eyes glazed over and zombified automation takes over.....at least clean clothes and bedding are end results. wish therapy had results that quickly and as tangible. sigh.

continuation of same...but different.....

and on it goes......