I think this is more what I was trying to explain. It's obtrusive thoughts that I'm pretty sure is directly linked with a high anxiety situation in my life. I am working to resolve it, but I don't imagine my anxiety to get better before getting worse over the next year.

I just find it odd, rather than the usual urge and need to SI, it's merely thoughts. Loud and constant thoughts. Of course with this anxiety has come a lot of loud obtrusive thoughts. Oh why do I feel so hopeless when I'm finally gaining courage to be me...then I shrink away again to fear and loathe me.