Hi guys!
Thanks you guys for your quick responses as I am new to this site I just don't know where to start. I just have felt something is not quite right and I can't put a finger on it. Where do I begin? It's consistent and I feel like I am walking on egg shells wondering what I am gonna do wrong next its over the littlest things. Here is a scenario or two to start with that will hopefully answer some questions shezbut threw in. I did not know how to directly answer them so I just thought some scenarios may give some insight to you and hopefully I can figure it out. I'm trying to be good wife.

Scenario 1

My husband came home late from work around 8:30 at night, we ate dinner while he was on computer checking some things on his recipe for canning plum jam and emails. He wanted to can jam by then it was 9 at night I was extremely exhausted from work (I work a very physically demanding job he works at a mentally demanding desk job). When I am done I am done. It's hard for me to concentrate and focus in that state. I told him I really am tired and it’s late that we can do it tomorrow or something. He got irritated and made me feel guilty for not wanting to stay up and do this. So I felt bad and thought aw... I'll just wing it and stay up with him and help him no biggie. Then I walked into the office where he was and asked him how much sugar we needed to cook the ground up plums down. He said “don't worry about it.” Then I said “but I want to help you I will stay up with you and wing it.” He said "I don't want your help". That just hit me just right as tired as I was it really upset me. So I responded with “Wow I just offered to help and you can't answer the question for me to help?" He Said "You just need to be patient" I knew he had a recipe he looked at and the previous day had talked about one he wanted to try. I said “Babe, I am tired can you please tell me how much sugar so I can get this rolling while your doing other things on computer?" Then he responded with "no I don't want your help" "you're not gonna help" all was said in a haughty type tone. After that I said to him "You don't treat your wife this way when she offers to be there and help it's uncalled for I feel very disrespected when I do the housework the laundry the yard and work at my job and also trying to get my leather business going as well, and then tell me I can't help you when I offer it?!" I was furious! I could not believe how mad I was. He told me " Oh get over yourself you never get anything done you say your gonna do things and then it don't happen, newsflash your so damn disorganized you can't get your poop in a group and do stuff!" I said " Huh, ok then but the way you are treating me is uncalled for" He blew up slammed his fists on the desk sending stuff in air sitting on it and put his head up in air and screamed then walked into kitchen because I backed out of room to it and screamed "why do you aaah!" and hit his head with his fists and stormed outside. I was left going where did this come from? What did I do?

Scenario 2

We had plans to go hunting 1 week after scenario 1. Well in the beginning of the week we found out my cousin was getting married the weekend we were going to be out of town with my husband’s dad over weekend for hunting. I felt I needed to support my cousin and go plus I did want to see my family as they live 6 hours away. So my husband called his dad and said we would have to find out more details on the wedding and would get back to him. All was good. So we got details and I expressed that maybe I should just go and he can meet up with his dad and then I can join them after the weekend. Well at first he said "why does something always come up when I try to get time off? Why does your family have to do this?" I said "It's not always my family stuff happens." I said "Besides you and dad should have some alone time I think he would enjoy that with you. Don't feel like you have to go and cancel on your dad I can represent us for the wedding. And you can have Thursday and Friday you took off to get ready relax some before leaving sat." He said "you don't get it do you dad is getting older and you need to have that time with him." I said “I still am going to hunt with him after the wedding when I get back." He said "No your not if you go to the wedding you are not hunting with my dad." I responded " Don't cancel on him you need to have alone time with him you guys don't get that much." Most men would be tickled to have that time with dad right? So then it turned into him being irritated I was going to wedding even though I was still gonna go hunting. Wednesday rolls around...He's grumpy so I ask what is bothering him. He said "I just want you to enjoy the things I do with me; I married you for a reason." I said "I do enjoy doing things with you and I do them with you. I want you to do them with or with out me, I want you to go with your dad." I was thinking a great time for them to have time while I'm at wedding. I said "It's not true that I don't want to do stuff with you, because I do want to." Then he says " you don't get it I feel less important to you than your family" I said "That is not true what is the big deal I am still going to be with you guys hunting when I get back?" He got irritated and said " because we planned this a long time ago" I said “I know but my cousin is getting married we have been through a lot growing up we are practically like brother and sister. It's not like I don't want to go hunting." Then he just shook his head and we did not talk anymore about it. So Thursday morning as I'm getting ready for work I asked him so you gonna relax today?" Thinking he was staying home since he said he took Thur. and Fri. off. He said "No because you changed plans so I am working today." And I said but "you did not cancel on dad right?" He said "No not sure yet" I said ok. And was confused why he did not just take the day off like he requested and did not tell me he was going to work anyway??? So Thursday night its the same cycle of conversation I just did not even bother getting into it much just kept really few words to keep an argument from happening I really wanted peace so we could have a good nights sleep. I was to leave Fri. at 7 am to drive six hours for WA where the wedding was going to be. Thinking still my husband was going to have Friday off since he took it off. I wake up Friday and get ready to go just as I am about to think about starting car he says "I am going to wedding" I said "oh you are? K what about your dad?" He says "I called and cancelled he understands everything is fine with him." I said "Oh ok I feel bad I thought you guys would have some time together. Well I guess we can get your clothes together do you really want to go don't feel like you have to." He said “I’m just frustrated that you don't want to do the things I enjoy with me" I said "I do we had two big fishing trips we went on this summer babe I do love doing that stuff with you." Then he says "don't get it I have not been happy for the last six years I just want you to do the things I enjoy with me" I said "Why have you not been happy the last six years that is something we can change?" Then he started getting all emotional and saying how he feels abandoned and that he don’t get to do the things he loves and I responded with "Babe I never have with held you from doing the things you enjoy in fact I wish you would do them more with out me too so that you have time for yourself I love doing things with you but we can't do EVERYTHING together every time you want to do these things. we both need our times to have to ourselves and together" He said " I just can't get you to get it I have dealt with jerks for the last 6 years and I'm sick of it" I said "I'm sorry your job has been stressful I wish I can fix it but I can't we can look for less stressful job. I can't fix this only you can I can be here for you and I am. " He said " I just want to be able to do things I want to do and upset you did not even consider cancelling and not going to the wedding to be with me.” and walked away crying and going to get in the shower. I just did not know what to do. He made me feel like the whole wedding thing and he being upset was somehow my fault. After he gets out of shower this is our conversation and I am still clueless of what's next.
“I don't really want to go." I said "Well you don't have to if you don't want to. We need to go here soon so let’s get stuff packed if you are really serious." He walks out to start truck. Comes back and I say "oh we taking the truck instead?" He says “No I have to go to work" I said "but I thought you took Friday off at least? You don't want to go but you just really want to be with me right?" He said "yes it's your choice to wait for me or not." I said well if you want to be with me then yea I will wait for you that will give me some time to get wedding gift put together." Then I asked "why did you not tell me this when you knew I was leaving this morning and did not take the days off you said you took off?" He said “Because you cancelled our plans.” So I knew nothing of him not taking the requested days off or him cancelling on his dad till Friday and that he was going to work Friday also. It was like every time I turned around a bomb would drop and I would be confused and be made to feel like it's my fault all the way around. I don't want to make my husband sound bad but I am a little bit freaked out by all this. It leaves a very uneasy feeling in my stomach like my gut is telling me something is not right? I have been told I’m a good wife because I take care of the house yard and all and have a job out side the home. I want to make sure I am there for my husband but at the same time if it feels like its draining me and I can never make him happy what is the deal?