I've always struggled with this feeling of being bad. Its what I'm supposed to talk about next time in therapy. The problem is..that I feel like I'm "SUPPOSED" to say that I feel that way becauseof sexual abuse. In fact, I feel that way more because of all the things I did after that time in childhood. I feel like a horrible person for acting out as a kid. Yes, I know you all will tell me that its common. But even in my teen years I was too interested in sexuality. Even as an adult I struggle with these things. Even worse...sometiems I can idealize sa so that the memories of it arent bad at all to me. So yes, i feel like a bad person. Its so hard to explain b/c i feel like no one will just believe that i am bad. Everyone will try to justify it. ugh there needs to be a smile where one can just throw themselves into the trashcan.
i want to change how i think..but I can't rationally get there. I hate being bad.
ev