I don't know what I can say except I am hearing you. The thoughts are hard to control but that you are resisting is an amazing achievement I think your therapist would be asking you to contact her if the thoughts become strong enough that you aren't sure you can resist them much longer, and you are very fortunate to have a therapist like that.

With the thoughts, for me the best thing I could do was to keep busy. If I found myself sitting around I focused on the thoughts and it became harder. If I kept myself busy with things - cleaning, working, painting etc. all of a sudden I would realise a) I had been extremely productive and got things done b) that I felt better with what I had acheived c) realised that the thoughts of SI weren't in the front of my mind any more. In time I could start to put them out of my mind more, even when not distracting myself with other activities. I tried to make the other activities give me the feeling of release and attempted to make myself feel good instead of SI.

It's not easy and I know personally that relapse happens but in time, and with help of therapy, it really can work.

You are doing so well Hang in there. You can do this