I seem to be lost right now. the feeling of depression seems as bad now as it use to be, i feel so trapped, afraid and sick. i feel trapped because of my life and the depression that seems to be consuming me. i feel afraid that i wont be able to help myself anymore and i fear i will have no one all my life to help. and i feel sick because i dont feel like eating properly, but ive eaten tonight - just enough to get by, i have a headache, feel lethargic, energyless and so unhappy. i just cant digest food right now with so much emotional "food" left to digest. does anyone understand what i mean?

i seriously wish i know how to drag myself out of this. i am really trying to work on myself and i know what to do because i did it a few years ago and was happy for a couple of years afterwards, but im back in it now, and normally i know how to fix it, but this time i cant.

i feel lost in a world of evil, and im not evil. so i feel like i dont belong. i see everyone around me enjoying their lives with only minor problems to contend with, but im just spiraling. i need to feel accepted now, i just want ONE person to tell me they are here for me, to be a friend to me. that isnt too much to ask is it. i dont mean offence, but sometimes, being here at PC just isnt enough for me, and i do mean that in the nicest way possible. it does me a world of good being here, and the support is amazing, i wouldnt ever give it up, but i just want a physical relationship with someone i love, not necessarily sex, just someone i can hold when i need to and i can look forward to coming home to. i have never had that and i miss it so much because i see people with that life who seem so happy, and i am dying to experience that. just to be told those words would make me so happy because i wouldnt feel so alone anymore. i have nothing to look forward to it seems, and even though i am only 19 and i have my whole life ahead of me, it doesnt excite me...it just scares me right now. the world is a huge, ugly place when its seen through my eyes...as im sure it is through some of your eyes.

i dont want to suffer anymore, ive done my fair share of hurting, my heart is so broken into thousands of pieces, it seems too much to repair on my own. im tired of crying, and seeing myself with an unhappy look on my face. i feel too miserable and its all ive felt for a while now, and i want it to end so badly. i would do anything to be happy, why am i being denied it, im sure i deserve it by now! what more do i need to prove!

is anyone feeling the same as me. is anyone there to have a chat, or to give some kind words of encouragement. i need a friend right now, and i cant seem to see anyone.

where am i?!