Quote:
Originally Posted by NeverRight
I should have done the going to bed thing with a kiss and all that's a good one.  I was made to feel guilty for wanting to go to bed was what I was upset about.....
Then he kept changing his mind and not telling me what he really was going to do with his time off making me feel guilty for wanting to go to the wedding all week. Then cancelled the hunting trip without telling me. He went which was fine but I felt bad that he cancelled on his dad, and I felt responsible for it. I just did not understand the reaction to it all when we had made a good agreement in first place; He meets up with dad I go to wedding then meet up with them after and both of us are happy. It did not turn out the way He agreed to do it. make sense? ...Thanks for helping me sort through this! |
1st scenario: His reaction to you telling him that you wanted to go to bed made you feel guilty.
2nd scenario: Your hub's decision-making difficulty about hunting also made you feel guilty. He cancelled the trip, but ended up going in the end, without his father. The fact that your hub didn't follow the plan made you feel guilty.
I see you saying that you feel guilty ~ often. That's where I go back to recommending that you tell your hub how you're feeling.
"I feel guilty that I want to go to bed so badly. I feel as though you are angry with me for wanting to go to bed. How am I going to get a good night of sleep?"
"I feel bad that I'm going to my cousin's wedding, and your plans keep changing. I feel guilty, as though I have caused some confusion. What can I do?"
"I feel bad that your father didn't go hunting with you. I thought that we had a good plan before. I feel guilty that the plan changed and it may have hurt your father's feelings."
That's how I would break it down. You do need to see that you carry some responsibility in this miscommunication as well.
I am unsure where your guilt is coming from. Are you certain that guilt is the main emotion following you in your marriage? Your description of the first scenario does bring up some guilt, but his removed responses to you made you very angry. The second scenario sounds a lot like worry (perhaps about what he was actually going to end up doing?) to me; and then hurt that he didn't tell you or his father about hunting with others after all.
That's my perspective. I'm not a professional, of course. However, I think that you may want to look at these events more clearly and see what emotions are attached. That will give you a better idea as to what the next step should be. Perhaps individual therapy... or maybe couple's counseling would be more appropriate.