I swear sometimes I feel like I wasn't made right. I can't do some of the simplest things in life on a regular basis. On the outside it appears to people I know like I can handle ANYTHING. But if you lived with me like my dh does you would know that you can't count on me to make dinner,get a shower, or even fold laundry. It all depends on how I am doing that day. Sometimes it takes everything I have to deal with my worries and my fears and self doubt much less just the necessities of taking careof the 5 kids. I just don't do well with my home. I never have. I try over and over again. I buy books, I read articles, whatever I can to try to master my job. I just can't promise that I will "handle it" no matter how much dh tells me he can't take it anymore. I can't lie and say I can do it when I don't have any proof that I can. I never knowwhat I can do day to day.

I am doing better on my meds and am glad to feel better, but right now I was just trying to focus on wanting to be me. I was trying not to sweat the small stuff and tojust findjoy in life. I wanted to take moments to enjoy the spring and take a walk, talk to a neighbor, spend time alone if EVER possible. DH just thinks I am being lazy or something andmaking himdo all the work.

I can'twin for trying sometimes. HELP!