Hi. I sincerely hope you heed the warnings from all of us about taking prescription pills. They are very dangerous when not taken as prescribed. I worked as a pharmacy technician for ten years and have drawn alot of bad things happen to people. Believe me I can understand wanting to be numb and piss the time and feel nothing. I did just that for years with heroin. In reality all it does is make things exponentially worse. You would be much better off trying to deal with your feelings and emotions now before you create even more problems for your self. If you don't mind my asking what its your diagnosis? I tried many antidepressants over the years until finally I found out for my particular condition a mood stabilizer works best without an antidepressant. I am here for you if you want to talk or even if you just want me to listen.