Simon.. What an incredibly brave thing you did! Of course you are tired.. you have just released yourself from a heavy burden and the work it took has exhasuted you!! Good for you!! One step towards healing... even though it may not seem like it.

Try not to worry too much about his feelings right now. He is a big boy. he can deal with his own feelings. You take care of you . It is normal for you to feel you hate him. Maybe that will change one day.. maybe not.Its okay.I hate him too.

Your mom would not be ashamed of you or disappointed in any way. She is probably proud of you for having the courage to stand up and force your brother to KNOW that you KNOW what he did and that you know it wasn't okay for him to do that.She is probably very hurt and ashamed of him for what he did.

So please, don't let yourself think you let her down in any way. If she were here, her heart would be breaking for what you have been through.. for your pain.. and for how disappointing her other son turned oout to be.But never for what you have done or said.

Rest now... wrap yourself up in your work as much as you have energy for...and thats all. otherwise, rest.

Keeping you in my prayers and my thoughts... Faith