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Old Oct 29, 2012, 10:38 AM
IceCreamKid IceCreamKid is offline
Grand Magnate
 
Member Since: Jan 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 3,260
I hope this helps. You and your husband are in a power struggle. It appears to be of his making, and it doesn't sound rational. You've been more than reasonable and accommodating, but I suspect enough will never be enough with your husband unless he develops a new attitude. He has unrealistic expectations of other people, of (whoever his wife would be) his wife, and adults in general.

While there are cultures where men cry, his crying seems manipulative and indicative that he is out of control emotionally. This isn't your fault. Is he under a doctor's care? He should be seen by a doctor for a check up and he needs to be evaluated by a mental health professional, in my opinion. Unless your husband is physically disabled in some way, he needs to do half of the physical labor around the house; physical activity in moderation is good for mental health and stress reduction. You need more relaxation, because that is good for mental health, too and your marriage sounds very stressful.

The constant shifting of plans and behaviors is meant to keep you off track and unable to control the situation; a therapist once described this to me as "changing the rules" when I explained I had tried to be cooperative and accommodating to someone who was never satisfied. The therapist helped me to see the futility of trying to deal with an impossible (as it was) situation, because the other person's goal was to keep me off-balance and in turmoil.

You don't say how old your husband is. If he is in his early twenties, then I suppose it is possible for him to continue growing up (his behavior seems rooted in his childhood). If he's in his 50s, it seems to me the chance of him changing dramatically are much more slim.

Either way, I don't think you do him or yourself any favors by catering to him; I understand you want to be a good, loving spouse, but enslaving yourself to someone unreasonable isn't the same as having a happy marriage. I hope things improve for you. Please consider marriage counseling and if he won't go, go alone.