I see.

I don't really know what to do. I tend to be screwing things up myself recently in this area because of my bp crap...

It may not be hopeless forever, though. None of us know what is in the future. I think you're great. So, I bet other people will too. Real ones that live near you. I know it's hard, though. I don't trust people very well and I am always sizing them up and seeing how they will stab me in the back. So, I know it's hard to be positive about it.