Hey. I remember going through a time in therapy finding the same thing. Feeling ashamed and embarrassed etc etc. But like you said, you didn't do it on purpose, you just didn't know any other way. Sounds like you are making some good progress with some really hard stuff in therapy :-) Hang in there.

One thing I learned about (that helped me) was 'I statements'. Instead of talking about what other people do (where we evaluate their behaviour) to talk about what other people do in value neutral terms and then to say how we respond to their behaviour, especially with reference to our feelings.

So instead of 'you got home late on purpose just to %#@&#! me off you jerk' you have something like 'when you got home late last night i felt really upset because i put a lot of effort into making a nice dinner we could enjoy together'.

It is a hard thing to learn... I'm still working on it. I used to do practice exercises with my t. It is hard. But it can be done. I never learned it because... My mother didn't know it for her to be able to teach me :-( Still... At least I get the opportunity, I guess.

I just mean to say... There is hope. Try not to beat yourself up. There is a way forward :-)

Not sure whether this is quite what you meant or not. But just in case it is... I thought I'd post it.