> Of course my T did talk to me last time about how I am a little manipulative, without realizing it, by the way that I talk. I guess I say a little at a time and wait for the other person to keep on me. she says this is manipulative.

Hmm. That is about my #1 bugbear.
When people call me 'manipulative' I always ask them 'do you mean to say that you feel manipulated?'
Linehan talks about this. Sounds like it is about her #1 bugbear too.
She says that people with BPD need to learn to be MORE manipulative, not less.
It is about manipulating others so that you get your needs met... It is about learning skills so as to better facilitate that.
Hang in there.