Recently, I lost a lot of friends, but a few I managed to be more amicable in the departure of. I think, if you talk to her, she'll understand. You've known for fifteen years, you said. My best friend of the past seven and I had a long talk over pudding cups and were relativly okay with the fact we've grown too far apart to be friends. Sometimes I want to cry and yell at him, but I don't pick up the phone. He understands how I am and I him, so he wouldn't blame me if I did. My friend's a bit of a prick, too. Your friend sounds like a sweet person, just as you are, so I think communication will really help. That's not to say you won't still feel the tugging on your heartstrings. Sometimes I still want my "big brother" back. This doesn't have to be the end of your friendship, though. I wish you the best of luck.