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Hi Hellion,
I don't believe we have met before although I did just read one of your other replies to another post. I am not going to say hang on in there with yourself but try not to make hasty decisions, there have been countless times I have done something and back out although different from this. However the pain and destruction I cause by doing that and then more weigh of pain gets added on because I walked off. However no one understands I only ever back off and run away from something to stop the pain and destruction I was already causing to people. They never could see it like that or even they never thank me for that. To this day I can't believe they couldn't see how much pressure and pain they were putting me through and then when I done the only thing I thought would account for that, bam tone more pressure from those people... so what was the point, I mean going to get hurt either way... well no I didn't account for, I would be out of work and have to try and find new work which after four attempts at making it either a day or few hours a life of a hermit ant so bad... oh but it is, yet thinking back I should have bared with it to be begin with... yet I can't say that for sure because knowing me I would have got fired so either way what happened, happened.
What I am trying to get you to see is sure delete your account but is it really what you want and would you really benefit from doing so, I mean most of us come here to seek help for ourselves and if possible help others, sure there always going to be a person that gets it and gone through it, however they may be only able to help a person going through similar things and although it may appear you are both going through similar things many factors will change how what's helped them will be no help to you... unfortunately that's the truth.
This still doesn't mean that one day you won't find the help you need from somewhere like this or may the help is not here, but this is more of a place where you can talk through with others the changes and help that you find...... what I mean is there have been time when I could have got better but when I am left on my own to my own thought's then something go's wrong, I wish I found this site when I was in a better place and then could have had some where to talk through what I was working on and just get some reassurance. However I totally dismiss all what I worked on because I felt I was delusional because I have nothing in my reality to tell me otherwise. Hence all the problems of today.
Like you I feel no matter what I do I will cause main and problems and should not be here or there or not doing this or that because I will infect it in some way or cause more problems. I don’t know the answer to make me not be like this and I am worried there will never be a fix to this or a time when I am not like this. But as much as I put up a barrier and just run away I will think bam should have done that at that time but again I just wallowed in my own self worry’s and didn’t seek clarity. Sometimes I can’t see what is really in front of me and I need other to guide me just to see that. Sure here can’t provide quick fixes and I am sorry you feel you input it not appreciated or that other dismiss you but maybe this will change it has to change… many things have change to get to this point in my life so I can only hope for any more changes not going to say they will be different changes or cause a significant affect but a change should be about at least. Allow yourself to have this place even if you take a break or even if you delete your account come back if you want because there may be a time again when you can see why you came here in the first place. Sorry I probably done what I said I would do and I can be bossy little brat at times. Wishing you all the best MIP
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