My doctor's assistant called me last Monday, over a week ago, and told me not to take anymore Vicodin, until I get completely off the Temazepam (my sleep med.) I've been complying for days with his instruction.

I became extremely depressed for the past 4 days. My pain is not anywhere near as bad, nor as disabling, as what many people cope with and make up there minds to live with . . . and don't keep whining about.

This morning I was thinking that I would rather be dead than feel this way for possibly years to come. It seemed that I could really get suicidal over this.

Now I'm telling myself that I just have to accept it. I have to do my household chores regardless. I can sit with some ice on my neck. I'm telling myself that this is just what happens in life, as you get older. I feel furious with the doctors, but that's kind of stupid. They're just trying to be in compliance.

Now . . . I could just go and take some Vicodin against the recent order. The doctor probably figures I will if I need it. It's just that he can't condone it.

Being on this computer seems to be very bad for my neck. Now I'm wondering if I caused this condition by the past 8 or 9 years of computer use. I think that, and then I blame myself and feel mad that I let this happen, and didn't realize until it was too late.

Worse things happen to people.