First this is long but give it a chance…empaths, the BPD’s Need Your Light painfully desperately. BPD’s just read it, and see if you can relate to any of it…whats it gonna hurt.

Ok so I have recently met a few empaths by coincidence? maybe? anyway, this got me curious about what being an “empath” really was. Background info on me: I was recently diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. My whole life I have been sensitive. Walking into rooms and get overwhelmed with emotions but not sure where they came from. My therapist tells me I take others pain and hold it inside as well as my own and learned a behavior from most likely my family masking my pain from the world since I was young. Now in my thirties I have seemed to have a bit of a breakdown I dont seem to know who I am anymore. I am intensely sensitive to others words, the look on their face, the tone of their voice..I panic easily now, clinical depression, suicidal thoughts the whole gamut. I have most of the classic signs of BPD….but my whole life whether or not I really believed it I always tried to think of my self as a positive person, I cant help but help others and this sometimes is at my own expense. I have found that when I have lived in areas with little access to water(lakes, streams, oceans) I would feel trapt or uneasy. When I was young I remember sitting on a hill closing my eyes and focusing on the wind feeling as if it carried me as I guided its gusts (I was probably 8-10) The wind has always made me feel free. Right now, I am working really hard in therapy and out to change the “way” I think. I “think” everything is my fault. I “think” the worst will happen. I have been carrying so much guilt and negativity it was litterally killing me. Empaths know that if you “think” it, that will be what happens think positive…but the BPD cant see that light because so much darkness is in front of them.
So back to the empath thing and my question. After researching the qualities associated with empaths and speaking with the 3 total strangers who dont know each other who just kinda bumped into me in the same week, I seem to have alot of the same qualities.

My question is… could perhaps many people with BPD just be empaths who during childhood had those qualities discouraged and pushed down inside. Could many of us with this horribly painful “disorder” just be dealing with years of not recognizing and learning our empath abilities? Years of denying who we are by denying a signifigant part of our personalities…of ourselves. Years of carrying others pain and turning that pain on ourselves because we just couldnt figure out a.where it came from and b. what to do with it. This internal struggle of who we are and who we were told to be since early childhood was incredibly destructive. the symptoms of BPD could easily have manifested from this damage…the dam has to bust eventually empaths understand they can only hold others pain so long before clensing is required. They understand that the emotion they feel is not always theirs but the emotion of the other person….BPD’s have all these emotions they pick up because they are highly sensative but dont understand why they are suicidal when their logical mind knows its not that bad, but the emotions are still there storming and overwhelming.
I am crossposting this question at a forum of empaths as well as a BPD forum.

I would like the BPD people to read about what being an empath or having empath qualities are and open their mind up enough just to consider had we nourished our sensativity we might not be as tormented as we are.

I would like the experienced or even little experienced empaths to read about what being BPD is like. The clinical description doesnt even start to go into the internal struggle we go thru only the outside symptoms that the world can see and study and measure. Look past that and imagine if for most of your life you had no idea where all these emotions were coming from and the only logical explanation is “its your fault…its all in your head…you are the crazy one…blame yourself for that guilt you are carrying” and never understanding how to “let go” and imagine how much damage would be done.

Or maybe Im just hokey and seeing whats not there again. My T said I live in the “what might happen world” when my thoughts get carried away…instead of the right now world. All I really know is…years of filling and living in negative mode WILL kill me soon. It is up to me to do whatever I have to do to bring the positive back. One of the people I met this past week told me to write down every name of every one I had ever met..family, coworkers, neighbors, boyfriends, friends with benefits, even him, and then burn it and let go of all of their pain and then see whats left that is actually mine… at first I laughed..kooky hippy boy that will never work (negativity) but then I thought what the hell…so I did I even included my name on the list…writing some of those names hurt. They were names I avoided thinking of…out of sight out of mind pretending they werent there even tho they lurked in the shadows. The next day I woke with a horrible cold…but…I also noticed I felt ..lighter. I kinda actually looked forward to going to work and I am starting a job I didnt really think I wanted or could do (doubt,negativity) so I tried an affirmation before I went to sleep…just one. Tomorow will be a good day, I will be strong and confident and do an amazing job….well tomorow is over and I was strong all day. Something just clicked.. I have always worked sales/cust service…but this kind of sales has always intimidated me even tho I KNOW I could do well in it.(selling cars) But today day 3 of training.. I was jumping on customers even tho I wasnt supposed to yet when no one else was there to do it.. The strong me poked its head out..that me was lost I thought.

Thoughts anyone?….links below.

What is Empathy?

Empathy Forum … you will have to sign up with ezboard to read it