It seems like you are doing everything you can to support her during this hard time and that really should be praised. I can tell you really care for her.

Have you tried talking to her about how you are feeling? I know it isn't easy to have those conversations and it is a tense time but usually leaving them doesn't help the situation. She is going through a lot and you are right that you need to be gentle but that doesn't mean that you shouldn't have your needs be met and need to 'put up with it'.

I really hope you can work it out