Hang in there granite. You can get through this. Is there something else you can do? Talk to someone, read, write? Sometimes just getting out your feelings without SI can be a good thing. I always found ranting on paper was good. Then I would destroy it - tear it up, throw it out etc. letting my negative feelings go with it. When they kept coming into my head I continued to reassure myself that I had acknowledged and dealt with them and they were gone now. It may seem strange but it really worked for me

I know that you don't know me but if you ever want to talk please feel free to contact me. I can't promise to have answers but I'm always happy to listen. You can do this.