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Have you ever talked to a therapist about this? Or a psychiatrist? They might be able to give you a clearer view on what is going on which may help you to decide.
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Lauru-------------That's me, Bipolar and Watching TV 
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
---Robert Frost
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