I actually get to start seeing a new pdoc tomorrow, which is like the candle in the darkness the past couple weeks. The really sad part is it's not even like I'm depressed and that's making everything seem like it's going to crap. It just really is going to crap.

Last week, we found a major mold problem in the basement of the house we rent, and we don't have a phone number to get a hold of our landlord, so I had to send him a letter, not that I've heard back from him.

Then I went to my appointment with my pdoc, and that did more harm than good, I think. I told her I was thinking about going to HR to see if I could switch from second to first shift, because I function better on that type of schedule, especially taking the Seroquel. Instead she told me should could just take me off the the Seroquel, which I said in no uncertain terms I was not okay with. That seems to be the only thing that has even started to help so far, and I told her I'd rather come off of the Trileptal and try something else in it's place because I don't think it is helping, so instead she just upped the dose of that. She was so quick to try and take me off of something that's helping instead of trying to help me work around it, but she pretty much refuses to take me off of something I don't want to take anyway. It seemed like all we did last week was argue. Luckily I am just switching to a different pdoc with the same group so I don't have to wait as long to get in to see her, but it's still annoying to have to completely start over with someone.

I get to go see a lawyer today about the mold and our landlord and what our options are if it doesn't get fixed and what not. Everyone is saying we should move out as soon as possible, but I don't think it's necessary. Everything I can find about it says there are no official levels set for how much mold exposure is hazardous, and there really aren't any scientific studies to find if mold is hazardous to health at any level. No one seems to be able to find a direct correlation. It can aggravate allergies in people allergic to it, but so can the mold spores that are floating around outside. I honestly plan on refusing to move out unless someone can prove to me I have to, because our only other option right now is my gf's mom's house, and I don't think I could handle that. Ten people in a four bedroom. I already can't stand her mom sometimes as it is.

Of course she is almost preferable to my mom since I told her about my dx. Giving me her opinions once would have been sufficient but every time I talk to her at all, the conversation degrades to the same thing over and over again. She thinks that I shouldn't be on meds, that I should just get my hormone levels checked. The last time I talked to her, I decided to tell her I thought about talking to HR about switching shifts, and then she said that if I did that I could lose my job (which I won't, I work for a world-wide company, and what I am asking for is considered a reasonable accommodation under the ADA, so if they tried to fire me for it, I could probably sue them for the wages I would earn for the rest of my life.) I even tried telling her that my T said that bp, since it messing with the chemistry in our brains, can throw hormone levels out of whack, but she still insisted that I need to just get my hormones regulated. I'm getting to the point where I try to avoid my mom, which isn't something I really want, I'm just tired of being lectured every time I talk to her. She said she was glad I got myself help, but now it seems like I'm being scolded for it.

And just because my life hates me, now everyone in the house is starting to come down with a bug. Sorry for the novel, I'm just frustrated with everything, and I'm not sure anyone else around me would understand why this seems so overwhelming because they aren't also trying to wrap their heads around the fact that their brain is broken.