So, I realized that I do something just like a lot of others.

When I'm feeling aweful I work very hard to try to get help. I call the assistance program looking for a T. I try (and this time successfully) to get on meds (now on Lithium thanks to GP.) I call around to all the Ts on the list trying to find one that works with my schedule.

And then, my cycle shifts and I feel better. So I stop looking. I say, 'I can do this! I don't need help,' and power forward.

And then my cycle shifts and I am left alone again wondering WTF did I give up on trying to get help???

I read an article here on PC in the Bipolar FAQ area last week for family members that said that people with bipolar may need help in getting help because when they feel better they don't seek help. This is what i always thought when I was younger. That i needed help to get help. Now I know I need to help myself. But to see that in black and white on PC, and then the past few days observing myself feeling good, and now crashing backwards... I realize it is true! I was right! I do need help in getting help... but I have no help in that... so I have to rely on me who is very unreliable....

At least I was successful in getting lithium this time.