Sam, sorry you're having a hard time. I tend to think therapist are the way to go and I think you know you need the help, but if you just don't want to go there maybe start trying to do some meditation. Maybe see if you can find a self lead group of individuals who are struggling with life issues. Find a church - you don't have to believe what they say, just find some nice people who are glad to see you. You deserve peace.
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