Hi Kokoa.

I know you love her, and I know you don't wish to hurt her. That's normal, even if the relationship isn't entirely healthy (which, I don't think, is really in part on you. If there even WAS anything on your part, as I think Sugar Apple brought up a really good point, you're far past that). But look at what she's saying Kokoa. "I was just remembering how abusers would justify their actions." That is a textbook reversal of the matter at hand, and PRECISELY what SHE is doing to YOU.

You aren't being selfish Kokoa. I admire your dedication in wanting to make this work, and your consideration of her feelings. But you cannot feasibly maintain this relationship long term as things are. She is essentially milking you for what emotional pain she can get out of you. Something, eventually, is going to have to give. Additionally, if she can't openly talk about your problems as a couple without "shutting down" or getting upset, then you're missing one of the key pillars of a relationship: the ability to communicate. It can't work like this.

I am sorry...I hate to be such a nay-sayer, but it pains me to see her doing this to you. Please know you're in my prayers, and I hope things work out for the best.

Many hugs,
Harley