((((Kokoa)))) IMHO, to make changes, setting boundaries is probably the most important part of all of this. And sticking to them.

And it isn't as much about how much you love your S/O, BUT about how much you love (and respect) yourself.

(I think of a character from one of my all time favorite shows and films, when she is speaking with her S/O (and after doing a lot of soul searching and really giving it everything she had) but ending the relationship:

"I'm gonna say the one thing you aren't supposed to say. I love you... but I love me more. I've been in a relationship with myself for 49 years and that's the one I need to work on."

Hugs to you!