Hello,

I'm hopeful someone may be able to offer their experience as I am new to BPD. Actually, my T says I have features of BPD but she doesn't give me this diagnosis. So I am new to BPD.

So here it goes: I do have few friends. I often find folks all of a sudden just stop socializing with me, or distance themselves for no apparent (to me) reason. I go over in my mind what I might have said or done. I don't always spend too much time on this. But when it's an emerging friendship that was going very well for several months, I do struggle to find a reason. This happens often enough that I conclude that it must have something to do with me since the consistent element in these reactions is me. I have had complete strangers approach me with inappropriate comments or criticisms (such as my haircut) about me, when those comments and criticisms should be an issue to anyone. I also experience disproportionate criticism and anger from family to something I may have said or done.

I am left scratching my head, wondering where this came from. I think I am going crazy sometimes and have attempted suicide out of frustration in not being able to understand humanity nor how to navigate it without these afronts. I am caught off guard and feel the lose of what I thought were positive relationships, it is rattling. I also feel that I am at a loss to prevent or avoid such experiences since I cannot "read" people (ie. caught completely off guard), not do I recognize a reason for their behavior towards me. Nevertheless, it must be me since I am the constant in all these experiences.

Am I experiencing some sort of amnesia? I think I can identify missing time here and there but not related to all the experiences to which I refer above.

If anyone has input, I'd really appreciate hearing your experiences, thoughts.