Not sure....... of anything. Got up at 3:00 am to start this day. Not hopeful and down and despairing. I want to feel connection. I don't feel that and think I never will. So lonely to go out to start the day and be alone with my pain and struggles. Where I work I have to be the strong one (teacher) and yet I am close to the edge. I just wish someone would hold me and not let go.