It's because she found out I've masturbated to porn and have still have been struggling doing that. I guess I was brought up and so was she that if I look at regular porn while I'm in a relationship that's cheating on her. It hurts her feelings and now I'm off my anti-depressant I'm starting to obsess and be anxious about what situation I'm in. I'm continually crying and can't sleep. I love her so.