Thanks. I hate this part. She's given me Ativan (lorazepam) to take twice a day because she feels like an extreme amount of anxiety/panic is making everything worse. Then she doubled my lamotrigine to 200 mg since I had been at just 100 mg. Then she added ambien because I don't feel like I want to sleep more than a couple hours before getting up for the day.

She'd rather use a few other drugs that would be more effective in her opinion, but I have to drive over 100 miles a day to take my kids to and from school and she's concerned about me driving while drowsy so we're trying to make this work for now. I'm pretty upset about all these changes. I find myself going from just fine and happy and cleaning everything in sight to crying my eyes out five minutes later. I don't want to be taking these meds. I've just decided to tell myself that I'd better get a hold on this and deal with it with the meds now at home, or else I risk having to go to the hospital to get it all straightened out and I'll be on meds there for sure. So really I have nothing to lose in taking the meds at home. Might as well be compliant and go along with what they are trying to do to help. And I really do want to be helped so I can be healthy and take care of my family. Sigh. I just wish it were easier. I read the other stories here and I know I have it easier than most here. Some of y'all seem to walk through hell with things when it gets bad. I have no room to complain. I think it will be okay. I'm just exhausted by the back and forth. I want to feel normal. I'd like to know what stable is. And I'd really like to not be the one that is "rocking the boat" in the family. I'd rather be a helper than the helpee...