This is why I need my mom or someone for help, but she isn't listening to my cry for help and I don't have anyone else who will listen to what I'm really struggling with.

1. When we argue it never had to be a problem but at the point where we start to argue she decides that the situation we are in-tone about is my fault and that because whatever happened was probably because of me. It doesn't have to be her problem, but since she lives with me and I live with her we endure negative emotions about each other. This results in her being right most of the time because I live with her and I CANT do a whole lot because I have a mental illness. My illness doesn't have to be an excuse but from what I have experienced its why I cannot thrive for myself. She is still *****y enough to me.
2. Okay, I don't think she gets this but I was born psychotic. I've been seeing things since I was three, I can't tell her this or anyone else because from it was back then I was okay, But I remember seeing things. I was diagnosed with schizophrenia at age 11 (no ****, I was) After this I started to feel and notice severe side affects from my medication which included complete blindness(this happened once for about two minutes), a seizure, severe dizzy spells (these left me hanging onto edges of furniture), sane hallucinations (ya know the ones where you are like “wait why do I see unicorns? I've been taking my pills!) once I even had hallucinations that gave me jaundice or something. ( I don't even know) and recently I went on a binge of “should I take my medication now? NOW that it has been over a month without taking my pills and now I'm really seeing that I can't concentrate on shit” But I found out after this binge that it wasn't just my pills I was dehydrated. I was taken to the hospital after collapsing and blanking out. My body needed the IV they gave me because it was gone in minutes. Yeah, so maybe my mom has a reason to be a *****, but we haven't even talked about what happened since it happened its in the past and forgotten.
3. I'm still disappointed though because I tried so hard to be myself without any severely rude behavior, But then it gets to the point where her voice is louder than mine and the best thing I can do is remove myself from the situation.
4. When this happens I've said things like “Do you even care about your disabled adult-child?” and she just laughs and then after that I've been more irrational and once slammed my head in the door and she just laughs at me. Not really a comforting thing when you have nobody to talk to about a problem that is inside your head and the help you have is still a week away.
5. She's validated my remorse. she's told me after I have threatened that my life was not worth it and that If she didn't want me around then I'd just kill myself because I didn't have anyone else to help me with my problem she laughed and said “okay then do it, I don't care”

She's doing fine in life, better than me. She has a good job and complains about everything and then its done for her ( I do what needs to be done around the house). I don't know what it is with her. She feels the need to take my anxiety pills at times too. Maybe she has a problem as well.

Aside from a list of reasons of why I'm so stuck inside my head I don't know what to think or do anymore. My mom wants my illness to be my responsibility but I can't always handle it.