Well, as you can all see, I have been in hiding again. The last time I was on here was August, 2011.

I will tell you though, as I said to someone earlier about having no feelings etc. I have been the same way for close to a decade except one time several months ago and it has only happened two times before that.

I wake up in the morning with the STRONGEST, MOST INTENSE FEELING THAT I MUST END MY LIFE RIGHT THAT SECOND. As I said, it has only happened three times now in 46 years, but it is totally involuntary.

I have no control over it. I am a Zen Buddhist, 'metta'..I do not believe in hurting myself or any other living thing (loving-kindness to all living things).

But these thoughts, three times now are so so intense yet I am by no means suicidal.

It is like waking with a splitting headache or a limb is asleep or you sneeze or something totally involuntary.

Has anyone ever had that happen???

Thanks in advance.