The only time I do that now is when I'm so manic I'm delusional. When I did that was before I was put on an anti psychotic. Seroquel made a huge difference in how I acted and now when I begin worrying or suspecting something like that we immediately know it's time for a visit to the psych or at least a call. I started having really vivid hallucinations on and off--nothing consistent--and then realized a few days ago I was understanding the voices. They were clear. I kept hearing a little boy calling for his mama and saying he wanted his mama. That was followed by a little girl telling him his mama wasn't there. It was like a broken record. I was afraid to look over my shoulder because the last hallucination was a headless black woman. I was afraid I'd see something horrible and freak out with the kids in the house. My doctor switched me to Geodon and now I'm constantly thinking people are talking about me behind my back or planning to hurt me emotionally in some way. That's what made his concerns and fears come out. He doesn't understand why Geodon isn't helping more, why I need to double the dosage and why when I enter the intensive outpatient program Monday the psych I see there may take me as high as 160 mg or add meds on to my cocktail. He said he doesn't want to accept that I'm hurting like that. It really made me sad and wish I wasn't bipolar because I could see it upsets and hurts him.