I was suicidal but full blown manic when I was admitted to the hospital. I could not sit still, couldn't stop talking but made no sense much of the time, couldn't concentrate on one thing long enough to even tell my psych who the president was, was convinced my husband wanted me to leave and hated me and had been going into rages where I wasn't physical but was screaming at my girls to the point of absolutely terrifying them. My youngest would go hide and my oldest would tell me to stop being a bad mommy. It breaks my heart and makes me physically ill when I think about that. It took Thorazine to bring me down. They gave me such a strong dosage I remember nothing whatsoever about that day. The other women on the floor said I just sat on the sofa and stared off into space. They couldn't get me a to talk and one of the nurses had to help me to my room. I didn't realize until the point just how sick I was.