Hey Ya'll

Wow...these last couple of days have been surreal. I have been struggling for awhile now...really intense depression (I wasn't sleeping or eating and my thoughts were really bad and my emotions were all over the place)...I called my T a bunch of times...I called my T on Tuesday and said I was going to the hospital-well I got too scared and turned back around. Then after not sleeping at all that night-I went to work for supervision for an hour-then as I was driving to my clients house-I just started to feel out of control-my head was spinning and I felt like I just couldn't do it anymore-I felt so unreal-and I couldn't handle it. I called T-crying hysterically saying I didn't know what to do-he kept saying to go to the hospital-but I kept turning it around on him-saying nevermind it doesn't matter...he started getting frustrated. Then after going on for about 15 min-I just sobbed/screamed out-please I just need someone to tell me what to do-and he said "Go to the hospital"...he asked if I needed an ambulance called and I said no-I would drive. Then I spent 8 hours in the hospital-they evaluated me-and decided I'm going to do a partial hospitalization program for about a week...so I can see therapists and have groups and a psych for meds. They gave me xanax to help me sleep-and it worked! I actually ate a lot for the first time yesterday...that felt good too. I took yesterday and today off work-I will start the program Monday since they were full til then. I will work a few hours in the evening (thankfully thats my usual timing anyways)...I know it's going to be expensive but I'm going to apply for financial aid. The docs and my T agree this is worth it-if not I will only get worse.
After all this though-I'm soooo eternally grateful for my T-we texted the entire time I was waiting-he was helping me...then after they figured out what they were going to do-we talked on the phone and he was just amazing (I wish I could explain) but he told me he I did the right thing-and that he was so proud of me...I see him Monday night too (long day)...I'm just thankful to be taking steps to take care of myself and to keep living this life. It's also a relief to have my family know-they had no idea-I didn't tell anyone. I'm still sooo exhausted though...so I'm off for a nap now!!