oh things will get better spiltimage. so much better you will be amazed. staying sober is the greatest gift one can give to themself. we used chemicals so long to numb ourselves and lost that part of our life. today you can say "nevermore. i will not enable my addiction to dictate to me. you have broken the chains of bondage." you now know that life is so much more. full of joy, serenity, and peace.
intellectually you know this is true. you've already benefitted by staying sober. maybe it will help to emotionally put in place these facts with your struggle. YOU are deserving of a LIFE. you have great value sober. perhaps a gratitude list will help. in your case a two fold one. one column-what benefits did i receive when i wasn't sober? the other-what benefits have i found being sober?
one thought i had is that you have many means of support irl. your schedule may be overwhelming right now. i'd talk about your feelings with your support system. it goes back to that saying, keep it simple. you are once again managing your life but those life skills are new to you. it takes a while to balance things out. just hang in there and keep the vision. everything in your life becomes more balanced the longer you are sober. you are already turning your life around. keep the HOPE. stay the course.
i hope something i've posted may help you.