Scorpio Eyes -

There are so many parts of your post that I could put into little quote boxes because I can identify with them that I'll just say: you are definitely not alone. You're not nothing, and you don't deserve hatred. I'm sorry that you are told to "man up". That resonates with me (I was told the same - well, "woman up", maybe - for 15 years before support came). Your feelings are yours, which makes them real, and you have the right to acknowledge them and work through them in order to make yourself feel well again. Being invalidated that way (for me, at least) only makes my emotional compass that much more haywire, confusing me further. I hope the T you just met with can help you to work through and make sense of them.

And, this may be off-topic and out of left field, but you show a serious talent with words. You said that you had an urge to change the world; have you thought about using them to do so? Sometimes feeling understood can change someone's life, and that's all it takes to change the world, even if it's only a small ripple of difference.

((hugs))