First of all - huge hug.

Panic attacks are so scary, and I'm sorry you have them. I experienced them for several years in my late teens and early 20s. I was also afraid to take medication for them. Without medication or therapy (no insurance), I just lived with them for a few years until I went on Lexapro and small amounts of Xanax and it helped my anxiety greatly, and ultimately the panic attacks vanished. It did take time, but personally I was not able to overcome them on my own without medication. Everyone is different, though and I have read success stories from people who were able to overcome panic without medication, and maybe someone will be able to provide some insight there.

Please update when you can along your journey. I agree with BlessedRhiannon that finding a pdoc is probably the best first step. It can be difficult to find one that you click with so if you feel that the first pdoc you see is impatient, or anything negative, keep searching because you will find one who will be able to help you. If you choose this beginning path, you will have to allow yourself to let go a bit and place your trust in the hands of a doctor, which I know is scary but worth the risk for a lot of us if it comes down to a quality of life issue. It just takes time.

<3