I've worked with kids who have the problems you describe - it's not easy. You and your wife deserve support. Are there any parenting support groups are low cost/no cost parenting classes around? I can understand how your wife got in so much debt and how you feel alienated.
I have jobs where I'm responsible for bringing in business. It's really hard. Sometimes I decide I'm going to go in and play a role if I have to network.I also make sure to give myself downtime after because it is quite exhausting. Good luck.