Ok. So I will be brief...quick history: I have two kids, divorced about 4, almost 5 years ago. The marriage fell apart because he was controlling and I was acting out against that in a not good way.

Anyway, he has forgiven me for cheating, and obviously we still have to have contact due to the kids. Problem is, is that I am at that stage where it's like I don't want to get back with him, but part of me does.

His family has invited me to go on a vacation with them this coming summer (which I am weirded out about, since I thought they hated me), and my family invited him to the Holidays (without my knowledge, but he did come to my grandpa's funeral, so I could see why the invite).

I can't make heads or tails of the situation. I have truly no clue what to do. I hate him, I love him, am I in love with him? (I know only I can answer that question but I really don't think I am)

The thought of anyone being close to me in that physical/mental capacity anyway just makes me shudder. And isn't going back giving in? I don't know. ANY advice would be helpful, even if it is "stop being ungrateful and get over yourself."

I just don't know what to do, it was all so perfect at the beginning, but I don't want to end up hating him again. This is how most of my relationships have gone anyway.

AUGH. Sorry this wasn't as brief as I thought it would be.