Hi, everyone. I have difficulties connecting to people on an emotional and social level and it's really starting to affect my life. I appear cold, emotionless and uninterested in social settings and people generally think of me as the loner of the group, and this is how I have appeared ever since I can remember, even though I do love my friends. However, I have previously never had any professional diagnosis for anything purely because I didn't look for one - both my friends and I already knew I was weird.

I took the online test to see whether or not I have something on the autism spectrum scale and I scored 40 (autism related syndrome likely) and my school councillor thinks I have aspergers. I also think I have aspergers as I display basically all the generic symptoms, such as noticing patterns everywhere (like a fascination with number plates) and I have rigid schedules that I must stick to and don't understand social situations etc. I also have very narrow topics of interest that I research all the time, like the Universe and Scandinavian history.

Recently I have been feeling like a complete social outcast. I won't talk about that now but I made a thread on it a few days ago which you can see here if you want. I feel that telling my friends I have aspergers would relieve a lot of the pressure on me because it would give them and me an insight to why I am how I am.

I am CERTAIN I have aspergers syndrome but I am almost scared that I don't because I feel like I never truly belong to anything, whether it's social groups or psychological 'disorders'. In some ways I don't feel 'worthy' to have it. I am scared that they would just laugh and dismiss the possibility and things would continue to get worse. What if I don't have it? They would just think that I was using a serious thing to justify being weird as ****, and that is a thought that really hurts.