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Mindinpieces · Nov 02, 2012, 08:01 PM

Thank you so much for this, you really don't know how much this has just helped me!! I thought I was the only person who had no trust within themselves. Honestly if someone could just control me then I would gladly give myself over, only because I know left to my own devises then there is really never any hope for me.

However I have to keep trying to over write or rewrite that though or notion in my head, sometimes this happens and I can take a step forward but not before long something inside me drags me back. It is like my body or mind says to me, why or what allowed me to do that, because I can never really believe or trust if I have ever done something out of my own choice or devises. I then self-defeat myself and beat myself up about not being able to make a decision or making one and then running away from that or changing my mind about it. Any new decisions or actions from that point on, takes forever to even attempt let alone see through that decision or action once my line of thoughts have gone onto self-defeat mode.

However I am now at a point where I have an action and decision to make and this time I know it is one or very few last chances. So I have to tackle it as I must just trust the voice in my head and learn to communicate with that in a rational reasoning way because if I wait for something to feel right or hope it will just happen, I know it will go wrong.

I can’t say what will allow you to feel you are in control or what will make you feel able to trust what you set out to do, I wish I could give you advice on this as this is something I can relate to you on. Although this may not be of help to you but this is how it is for me.

For me as well sometimes I think ok can’t trust the sensations and those right feelings, as last time I did that it didn’t go right that’s why I am here again in this position and having to tackle things yet again. So I think to myself ok this time I will think through things as they happen but then I over worry and I can never really tell if I am rationally thinking in the moment or just worrying. So then I think ok this time I am not going to think at all, I am just going to do whatever I just do at that moment in time and react as I react in the situation as it happens, I am human and should be capable of this by now like everyone else, well you would hope so but it appears not. However each and every time it has never worked out, so now I am having to wonder and wonder what will or how even, like yourself, will I know when I can trust me to do something or when can I trust I am thinking straight. So that when I have to make decisions I can trust I know what the hell I am doing.

Although that is of no help to you, it is all I can reply to you, so maybe you can see you are not alone in constantly questioning and judging what you are doing or what you have done or even if you should or shouldn’t do that next because you get that feeling, or at least I do, why do I bother it will end in the same way and it will be because I made that decision, this is what I tell myself because I make that decision and I feel I should not have and therefore I tell myself not to allow myself to make decisions in the future because I feel I can’t be trusted… therefore I set myself up to fail before I have started, yet it is so hard to break this cycle because the only way to really break this cycle is for you or I to do something and for once it to turn out as it should or in a way where we can then go wow I done it, I made the right decision or because of the action I took I made this happen. However sometimes the fear of that one positive time may never occur can be too much because I wonder how many times of trial and errors can I take all in the hope that maybe one day I will do something right.

Once again thank you for sharing this. I hope that I haven’t gone on too much and that maybe this may be of some help in a sense. I am sorry if it is not. Wishing you all the best MIP