I'm sorry that you're facing such a challeging time, without the support of a key factor in your life. I can relate, as I'd imagine that many of us here often face situations like these. Good 'ol BPD! It can be so brutal at times.

Try to remind yourself of the many people in this world who also struggle with BPD, and somehow, we come up with non-detrimental coping techniques to help us fight the misery and terror inside.

Very gentle hugs to you ~ you're in my thoughts!