It is so good to see you having 'a list of goals' Guy! You sound so positive about all your efforts.

until:

"It is clear that when it comes to life that I have no idea what I'm doing. I am just going through the motions. It's a sad way to live."

Now, where did you decide this - of course you have an idea of what you are doing. YOU made a list of goals. Sometimes just the motions are good enough. Good enough is good. Good enough is way better than giving up. In fact doing good enough, just one little task each day is wonderful.

Goal setting is the area of my life I didn't ever learn as a child. It isn't natural to me, even now at almost 65! But it works. Once you get in the HABIT of writing a reasonable list and a reasonable time frame - you are good to go.

Example. you got your laundry done, ironing done, moved some of the furniture and you are learning Excel. That's a lot! Motivation is hard when you have the whammy of depression or other mental illness. Don't be so hard on yourself Guy.

Heck, as much as I loose motivation to do the boring tasks that are always going to be there, with sleeping most of a day or just sitting watching TV when the dog hair is flying around the living room, or the toilets need a good scrubbing, I get it. But you do have a way to know how to live Dude! You want better that what you have had. That's a good thing as Martha Steward would say.

Please reread your first few posts and see how positive you were. Your goal for me is to be kind to yourself because you have done a good job from where you were.

You express yourself so well on paper (or I guess this is on PC) I still think you need to help your continued recovery by writing your autobio. REALLY.

Hope Sandy didn't get in your way. Thoughts and prayers to you. I still feel some sort of kineship to you, so don't give up on your goal setting. It works.