Sannah, thanks for the reply. I've had insight for a long time, even while it was happening... when I was 14 the cruelty was just so relentless I remember thinking "He is making a neurotic mess out of me." The feelings took longer. First to go was most of the anger, luckily. The sadness has lessened a lot but sometimes lingers.

What is hard is the "muscle memory" of the mind... to change that. There have been studies shown that abuse does physically alter the brain. But it seems that new experiences, and there is some evidence for this also, could help rewire it too. The frustrating part, of course, is fear of/bad anxiety/just not knowing how to deal with or approach situations out of my comfort zone.

Well, that was a long answer to your question!