So like, I don't really know where to put this. But I just want to see if what I'm feeling is normal or not. Basically, I don't like to be good at things, or at least better at things than other people. I think it stems from my childhood, when I was bad at everything I did, and was used to other people being generally better than me at everything else. I didn't learn to read until I was 8, was awful at math and science, and was just bad at all other elementary school level classes. But I didn't really care.

Now I'm in highschool and I'm learning that I'm actually good at things, and it makes me uncomfortable. Oh crap now it sounds like I'm trying to gloat. If it sounds that way, I'm sorry because I'm really not trying to. But this uncomfortableness has started to mess with my life. Sometimes I fail tests on purpose so when I compare test scores with my friends, I have a lower grade. My mom found out and went on this rant about how I'm not normal and this isn't good and I need to actually try. I'm on the bowling team at my school, and the other day I bowled a higher score than a really good player. I felt really bad and started crying and bought him dinner because I felt so bad.

But it can't be that abnormal, right? The only person who knows that I feel this way is my mom, and she says it's abnormal and goes against human nature. But she says that about me for everything I do. So do you feel these things? Do you like to do bad, rather than good, on anything? Is it normal?